So the iPad is out in the …
So the iPad is out in the UK now great! If only there was a more dense version that I could put in my pocket and take it with me every where I go.
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I love my six-pack. It’s …
I love my six-pack. It’s no wonder I protect it with a thick layer of fat.
Continue ReadingI can spot an Indian woma …
I can spot an Indian woman from a mile away. With my new extremely long red marker pens.
Continue ReadingWinalot has gone into liq …
Winalot has gone into liquidation. They have called the retrievers in
Continue ReadingNothing says ‘almost caug …
Nothing says ‘almost caught masturbating’ like having your mum walking in on you looking at the Google homepage.
Continue ReadingPeople who show off about …
People who show off about their lotion just keep rubbing it in….
Continue ReadingThe school just phoned me …
The school just phoned me and said, “We found your son in possession of cocaine today, do you have any idea where he got it from?” I said, “Probably his great grandad, he used to take cocaine to school.”
Continue ReadingTo brew a funky beer, you …
To brew a funky beer, you need hip hops.
Continue ReadingI applied for a place at …
I applied for a place at the fishermans school of excellence last week but it was refused as I was in the wrong catchment area.
Continue ReadingService is so slow at my …
Service is so slow at my local Chinese restaurant, I’ve just had an Autumn roll delivered.
Continue ReadingI went on a course the ot …
I went on a course the other day on how to complain effectively. It was that good, I got my money back.
Continue ReadingAs I left work today, my …
As I left work today, my boss said to me, “I know your hours are 9am-5pm, but can you work an hour later tomorrow?” I said, “Yeah, no problem, I’ll see you at 10.”
Continue ReadingStevie Wonder walks into …
Stevie Wonder walks into a library and says “Honey, I’m home!”
Continue ReadingI’ll never forget my mate …
I’ll never forget my mate’s words to me just before he snuffed it.. “do you think it will make me sneeze?”
Continue ReadingMy granddad used to keep …
My granddad used to keep a pet goldfish in his head. He loved that fish, you could see it in his eyes.
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