When I was feeding my son …
When I was feeding my son earlier, my wife said to me, “Pretend that his dinner is an aeroplane, he likes that.” I said, “Okay” and threw his plate across the room. She was right, he laughed his nuts off.
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It’s the Stone Age. A cav …
It’s the Stone Age. A caveman’s wife comes running up, screaming: “Ugg! Ugg! A sabre-toothed tiger has just walked into my mother’s cave!” Ugg is unimpressed: “Stupid tiger. It’ll just have to fight its own way out, won’t it?”
Continue ReadingMy mate asked me the othe …
My mate asked me the other day if I fancied playing with some dirty old slag round the back of the steel mill. Very disappointing.
Continue ReadingBBC news: Danny Foster an …
BBC news: Danny Foster an Ex American marine, is to face the death penalty for killing 5 members of his own soft ball team. An American soldier killing people on his own side. Who’d have thought?
Continue ReadingMy son has asked for a se …
My son has asked for a set of goalposts this Christmas… I don’t know why though, he already has two jumpers.
Continue ReadingI taught my son everythin …
I taught my son everything I knew, and he was none the wiser.
Continue ReadingLadies: Arrive alive. Do …
Ladies: Arrive alive. Don’t nag your husband whilst he’s driving.
Continue ReadingWhen I woke up this morni …
When I woke up this morning my head was spinning. The wife freaked out and called an exorcist.
Continue ReadingA clown tried to start a …
A clown tried to start a fight with me earlier today. I said: “Listen mate, you don’t want to fight me. I’ll make you look silly.”
Continue ReadingDid you hear about the pe …
Did you hear about the pencil who wouldn’t move? He was just stationary
Continue ReadingI’m selling five hundred …
I’m selling five hundred fake E’s at half price if anyone’s interested. There’s no rush.
Continue ReadingSo, Shania Twain has the …
So, Shania Twain has the perfect face? That don’t impress me much.
Continue ReadingI find it ironic that My …
I find it ironic that My boss placed me on Gardening leave. From the horticultural society
Continue ReadingMy dad was a taxi driver, …
My dad was a taxi driver, then he just left, with no indication.
Continue ReadingMy wife reckons I’m as th …
My wife reckons I’m as thick as two short planks. Wish I was a bit longer though.
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