I’m sure people think my …
I’m sure people think my girlfriend’s a drug dealer…this one guy keeps ringing her up asking if the dope’s gone yet…
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I thought that my brain w …
I thought that my brain was leaking out, so I went for scan. Turns out it was all in my head.
Continue Reading” Doctor Doctor, I feel l …
” Doctor Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains” ” I’m sorry, I can’t help you. I’m a General Practictioner. You obviously have mental health issues. I could refer you to a specialist if you wish”?
Continue ReadingI once had a dangerous mi …
I once had a dangerous mission driving a tank across Africa. 25 tropical fish in 50 litres of water could have fed a village for a month.
Continue ReadingDo deaf mathematicians sp …
Do deaf mathematicians speak in sine language?
Continue ReadingFor the first few weeks o …
For the first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers you’re just finding your feet.
Continue ReadingApparently, my mate Lee h …
Apparently, my mate Lee has started doing drugs. I’m not sure if I believe it. It’s highly unlikely…
Continue ReadingApparently it’s good to b …
Apparently it’s good to be seen in expensive clothes. But when I went out, everyone just laughed at the price tag dangling from my collar.
Continue ReadingGender stereotyping is su …
Gender stereotyping is such a woman thing to do.
Continue ReadingPinocchio: “Conversely, h …
Pinocchio: “Conversely, however, in conjecture, additionally, furthermore” Geppetto: “Pinocchio, what on earth are you going on about?” Pinocchio: “I like big buts and I cannot lie”
Continue ReadingWhen I received my dinner …
When I received my dinner, I only got a knife and a spoon. It’s the fork that counts.
Continue ReadingI went to Old Trafford to …
I went to Old Trafford today to enquire about hiring a box. They didn’t have any so I had to stand on my mate’s shoulders.
Continue ReadingI was shocked when my mum …
I was shocked when my mum told me my real dad was an escort. How does she expect me to believe a car can make babies.
Continue ReadingSleep is a great thing. Y …
Sleep is a great thing. You’ll never tire of it.
Continue ReadingI changed my name to “the …
I changed my name to “the road”. Now everyone buys me a drink as they leave the bar.
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