I had to wipe my Computer …
I had to wipe my Computer’s memory drive earlier… …I came on it.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Today, with no Undergroun …
Today, with no Underground I walk through the valley of the shadow of death and I will fear no evil; For you are with me; Google maps.
Continue Reading“Don’t give the baby a pa …
“Don’t give the baby a paper clip!” the wife shouted at me. “He’ll swallow it!” “It’s OK, I’ve got hundreds,” I retorted.
Continue ReadingWhat’s invisible and smel …
What’s invisible and smells like worms? Bird farts.
Continue ReadingBiofuels have recently be …
Biofuels have recently become big news, but the concept has been around for many years. People long ago figured out a way to run engines on almost any organic matter. Corn, leaves, even spices. The most public use of biofuels occurred over 60 years ago when British Rail made the trains run on thyme.
Continue ReadingI don’t trust mascara… …
I don’t trust mascara… It’s out on the lash with a different girl every night.
Continue ReadingMy wife told me that she …
My wife told me that she was in a lot of pain recently and eventually she asked me to get her some Opium. It didn’t relieve her pain, unfortunately. But she smells good.
Continue ReadingI’ve been made president …
I’ve been made president of the Erection Club. I think it’s because I’m the longest standing member.
Continue Reading“I can sleep for England. …
“I can sleep for England.” Apparently isn’t a good enough excuse as to why I fell asleep at my sentry-post.
Continue Reading‘Variety is the spice of …
‘Variety is the spice of life’ Apparently a poor excuse for cheating on my wife numerous times.
Continue ReadingA man enters a barbershop …
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks. “I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.” The client […]
Continue ReadingOn a construction site th …
On a construction site there was a heated debate among craftsmen which would be the oldest profession on earth: Mason: -We are the oldest craftsmen, who do you think builded the pyramids and temples thousands of years ago …… Painter: -Oh I don’t think so, since the days when people lived in caves the walls […]
Continue ReadingTo the person who dropped …
To the person who dropped a roll of notes at Liverpool Street… …Good news… I’ve handed your elastic band in to the Lost Property
Continue ReadingJust like rugby star Bria …
Just like rugby star Brian Moore, if you’re abused as a child, you’ll grow up to be a hooker.
Continue ReadingJobs in the UK are easy t …
Jobs in the UK are easy to come by, according to recent Poles.
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