My sister called me today …
My sister called me today to tell me about my new born niece, and told me that they’d decided to name her Courage. I thought, “that’s brave.”
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John: I am a man of few w …
John: I am a man of few words Bill: I am married too
Continue ReadingBBC News: Spark started f …
BBC News: Spark started family death fire. Who’s spark, the family dog?
Continue ReadingA man goes to the psychia …
A man goes to the psychiatrist. “Doctor, I’ve got a problem. I can look into future.” “Since when you deal with this problem?” “Since next Wednesday.”
Continue ReadingMy girlfriends like a bik …
My girlfriends like a bike. I Stole her outside tesco.
Continue ReadingI walked past a measuring …
I walked past a measuring jug earlier which said ‘150 centimetres cubed!’ I think it speaks volumes.
Continue ReadingMy friend once said to me …
My friend once said to me “You can’t choose your parents.” In response I just said “Well, they chose you, seeing as you’re adopted.” Oh how we laughed.
Continue ReadingMy wife just left her job …
My wife just left her job at HMRC. She found it too taxing.
Continue ReadingMy mate thinks because I …
My mate thinks because I work at customs, I’ll turn a blind eye to him bringing cocaine into the country. It’s stupid, irresponsible and frankly, I won’t let him go through with it.
Continue ReadingWhoever burnt CarpetRight …
Whoever burnt CarpetRight are just mindless rugs.
Continue ReadingAt the age of six I was l …
At the age of six I was left an orphan. What kind of idiot gives an orphan to a six-year-old?
Continue ReadingBBC News: “Scientists mak …
BBC News: “Scientists make artificial life” They obviously weren’t aware of Katie Price.
Continue ReadingCarlsberg don’t do an at …
Carlsberg don’t do an at least half-decent tasting lager. They just do silly adverts.
Continue ReadingMy husband came in from m …
My husband came in from milking the cows earlier with a limp. When I asked him what had happened he said that he strained his calf in the process.
Continue ReadingLove is blind. Hate is de …
Love is blind. Hate is deaf. You would think Stupid would be mute, but I just keep talking.
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