The police gave me a severe warning yesterday for undertaking in the hard shoulder of the motorway. They didn’t so much mind the top hat and horse and carriage, but felt embalming a body in full daylight was offputting to other drivers.
Continue ReadingI was about to get in the shower this morning, when I noticed it was making an odd buzzing noise. There’s no way I was going to get in, knowing the danger of electricity and water, so I took the safest approach. I went back to bed and let the wife try it first.
Continue ReadingI have discoved a great way to solve world hunger and world poverty in one simple step: Feed the poor to the hungry.
Continue ReadingAlphabetti Spaghetti taught me how to spell when I was a kid. My dad used to hit me over the head with the tin if I made a mistake in my homework.
Continue ReadingTop tip: Picking up aluminium cans along the streets can bring you some extra cash; but by pouring the dregs into a single can, you can stop and refresh yourself from time to time.
Continue ReadingMe and the missus are just eating our stew. She still hasn’t noticed he’s missing.
Continue ReadingI’ve just killed my poor wife Sally. I was listening to The Commitments on the radio and the next thing I know, she’s hanging from a noose from the attic door. I’ll never listen to Mustang Sally again.
Continue ReadingToday you can buy COD and get a free box of Kleenex,
Continue ReadingThe Romans were the first to build roads in Britain. And the first to breed chickens on the less desirable side of those roads.
Continue ReadingI moved my Tomato Ketchup company from England to India. It’s called out-saucing.
Continue ReadingIf my wife ever spoke her mind, she’d probably be speechless!
Continue ReadingTo be honest i was very upset when I heard the news that Osama Bin Laden was dead, I personally think it’s going to be a lot harder to say the name of Al Qaeda’s No. 2 Ayman al-Zawahiri. It just doesn’t have the same ring to it….
Continue ReadingI turned up 5 hours late for work today. “Sorry boss,” I panted. “My brother gave me a lift in.” “And?” He snarled. “He’s a milk man,” I replied.
Continue ReadingI swear, on an African kids life, that I wont be giving any money to Comic Relief.
Continue ReadingSo what happens to recycling bins when they’re not needed?
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