While getting ready for a …
While getting ready for a wedding my wife couldn’t decide on which hat to wear, she asked me “Is this one too forward?” I replied “No, I can still see your face”
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Bought a jumper from TK M …
Bought a jumper from TK Maxx before with 30% off. It was a T-Shirt.
Continue ReadingIf you hang yourself usin …
If you hang yourself using rope, then is the tension literally killing you?
Continue ReadingI was sacked yesterday fo …
I was sacked yesterday for being a pervert. I don’t understand why, I’m always hard at work.
Continue ReadingMy son is cold and calcul …
My son is cold and calculating I’ve turned the heating off whilst he does his maths homework.
Continue ReadingPeople with pear shaped b …
People with pear shaped bodies shouldn’t wear pear coloured clothes.
Continue Reading‘Brokeback Mountain voted …
‘Brokeback Mountain voted best On-Screen Love Affair’ I cried when I watched it. It looked painful.
Continue ReadingMy wife bought me an exer …
My wife bought me an exercise bike for Christmas. I used it for a bit but have stopped now as it wasn’t getting me anywhere.
Continue ReadingFor a big man I was surpr …
For a big man I was surprised to learn Arnold Schwarzenegger didn’t like rats. The Vermin hater.
Continue ReadingI saw a muslim explode in …
I saw a muslim explode in a shopping mall after sneezing He must be achoo bomber
Continue ReadingIf you leave a dog in a c …
If you leave a dog in a car on a hot day without water or ventilation, it could be dead in 15 minutes. However, I’ve discovered that if I put the heating on as well, I can get it down to about five.
Continue ReadingBus drivers, make your ow …
Bus drivers, make your own under-budget version of Takeshi’s castle by moving the disabled seats upstairs.
Continue ReadingI realised that I’m tired …
I realised that I’m tired of walking everywhere. At the first opportunity, I hopped on a bus. Tommorrow I’m going to skip to work.
Continue ReadingI’ve been doing a lot of …
I’ve been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.
Continue ReadingWho’s the most vague pers …
Who’s the most vague person in the military? General Direction.
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