I used to think outside t …
I used to think outside the box. Now i just make the box bigger.
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I commissioned a study to …
I commissioned a study to find out why my missus likes Chinese food so much. The study revealed that it is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is Not Now.
Continue ReadingI have found out the mean …
I have found out the meaning of life. It’s a noun and the description is on page 327 of the Oxford English Dictionary.
Continue ReadingI’m well excited, I think …
I’m well excited, I think my wifes taking me on a surprise holiday; I overheard a couple of work colleagues talking about how she’s packing my bags. It’ll be good for us since our marriage has been on the rocks for a while now.
Continue ReadingTattoos are like cats. F …
Tattoos are like cats. First you get one, then you get more and more and when you finally want to get rid of them you have to use a laser
Continue ReadingI am a master of subtlety …
I am a master of subtlety, but not many people realise that.
Continue ReadingMy parents used to say i’ …
My parents used to say i’d never be able to be a pirate when I grew up. My dvd and music collection nowadays says otherwise.
Continue ReadingI ordered an Indian last …
I ordered an Indian last night. I was told the delivery may take 5 days but that she comes with a free nan.
Continue ReadingOWW!! How could I jab sev …
OWW!! How could I jab several items of cutlery into my leg by accident?! Four forks ache…
Continue ReadingQ.S.V.X.X. The National S …
Q.S.V.X.X. The National Society of Bad Abbreviators.
Continue ReadingMy navman GPS keeps getti …
My navman GPS keeps getting me lost. So it’s a navwoman then.
Continue ReadingI walked out of Tesco and …
I walked out of Tesco and a guy collecting money said, “Would you like to help feed the hungry today?” I said, “Yes. That’s why I just went shopping.”
Continue ReadingMy pet octopus has given …
My pet octopus has given birth. It was a surprise as we didn’t even know she was pregnant. But we had an inkling.
Continue ReadingMy cat is called glue. I …
My cat is called glue. I know it’s a funny name, but it kinda stuck.
Continue Reading“Did you know you can cha …
“Did you know you can change your old or unwanted gold for cash with cash4gold.com?!” What kind of moron didn’t know that you can sell one of the worlds most valuable precious metals before this advert was on t.v?
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