My wife has been smoking …
My wife has been smoking very heavily lately. It was that bad, friends would even complain of the smell when they came round to the house. Maybe I shouldn’t have set her on fire.
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My ex-girlfriend got sect …
My ex-girlfriend got sectioned last night. I cut her into quarters.
Continue ReadingI just sold my old Snow W …
I just sold my old Snow White book for 15 quid. That really is a fair retail story!
Continue ReadingHgh winds severely damage …
Hgh winds severely damaged a homeless shelter in northern England on Monday. Rescuers are on the scene with new boxes and sticky tape.
Continue ReadingAs a child, I always want …
As a child, I always wanted to be a Power Ranger when I grew up. I got my wish. I sell extension cords now.
Continue ReadingIt takes a big man to cry …
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Continue ReadingSome things you need to g …
Some things you need to get certain jobs: Policeman : No criminal record and a good heart Fireman : A good heart and little fear Surgeon : A steady hand Teacher : Like working with children Shopowner : Friendly and hardworking Librarian : Tourettes Syndrome
Continue ReadingAs a Private Detective I …
As a Private Detective I always carry with me a piece of thin paper and a pencil. It always come in handy if I have to trace somebody.
Continue ReadingManchester United? I knew …
Manchester United? I knew united fans don’t take Man City seriously but this is too far!
Continue ReadingI was so out of it last n …
I was so out of it last night I ended up falling in the gutter. That’s the last time I go bowling drunk
Continue ReadingIn college, they used to …
In college, they used to call me “The Janitor” …because I was the janitor.
Continue ReadingTwo mountaineers reach a …
Two mountaineers reach a huge, deep fissure in a glacier. “Careful here,” says one of them. “My mountain guide fell down there last year.” “I bet you feel bad about that,” says the other. “Not really, it was pretty old and missing a few pages.”
Continue ReadingAn artist tried to concen …
An artist tried to concentrate on his painting, but the attraction he felt for his nude model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her. She pushed him away. “Maybe your other models let you kiss them,” she said, “but I’m not that kind of girl!” “Actually, […]
Continue ReadingTo be, fair, smelly peopl …
To be, fair, smelly people should stay indoors.
Continue ReadingMy wife moans at me to sa …
My wife moans at me to say ‘I did’ instead of ‘I done’ because it’s not proper grammar. Easier said than did.
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