I have a girlfriend calle …
I have a girlfriend called Gael and, needless to say, I get blown a lot.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I went down the local gre …
I went down the local green grocers today and asked for three pounds of Potatoes. The guy shook his head “Its kilo’s nowadays mate” “Oh, Three pounds of Kilos then please”
Continue ReadingMy wife loves her handbag …
My wife loves her handbags. She’s got loads of them, all “designer”, for every conceivable occasion. But for some reason, she hates me referring to her as “the Bag Lady”.
Continue ReadingThe UK, the driving force …
The UK, the driving force behind the Industrial Revolouton, inventor of vast medicines such as Penicillin, winner of the world cup, conqueror of Napoleon and Hitler, the heart and soul behind the period of exploration, and our Eurovision song is more queer than the host, Graham Norton, and has the charisma of peanut. Rule Brittania.
Continue ReadingDavid Beckham was asked. …
David Beckham was asked. “What are your thoughts on John Terry losing the armband?”. “Well I hope he gets it back or he’ll be swimming in circles.”
Continue ReadingI was chatting to my neig …
I was chatting to my neighbour this morning, and he said i used to have loads of birds flocking into my garden but now i dont, i’ve tried everything to encourage them to come back. He looked puzzeled when i suggested, Have you tried giving away expensive shoes and free samples of Blue Wkd.
Continue ReadingMy friend said that you s …
My friend said that you should always judge a man by the contents of his heart, not by the colour of his skin. It still ended up with the same result though; me cutting up lots of black people.
Continue Reading“One door closes, and ano …
“One door closes, and another door opens” said my boss. Which is why I’m such a poor submarine designer.
Continue ReadingIsn’t it funny how the bl …
Isn’t it funny how the bloke who got ripped in 4 weeks also managed to have extensive plastic surgery and change his ethnicity at the same time! Remarkable..
Continue ReadingA man complains to his wi …
A man complains to his wife saying, “We’re so poor we can’t even afford punchlines to our jokes!” And she says
Continue ReadingI thought ITV and BBC wer …
I thought ITV and BBC were bad for showing repeats of films, but yesterday on Sickipedia I saw Ghost 2 at least fifteen times.
Continue ReadingMy dog is a blacksmith. E …
My dog is a blacksmith. Everytime I open the front door he makes a bolt for it.
Continue ReadingI was in the gym earlier …
I was in the gym earlier when I saw a huge guy lifting 450 pounds on the bench press. I figured he must be on steroids, so I said to him ‘can you get me some? I’m very much in need.’ Next thing I know I’m in bed with his mates sister and thinking that […]
Continue ReadingI make decent money donat …
I make decent money donating sperm. About fifty pounds a week, disposable in come.
Continue ReadingBeing called ‘cool’ by yo …
Being called ‘cool’ by your parents is like being called ‘fashionable’ by someone wearing a potato sack
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