I’ve just exposed myself. …
I’ve just exposed myself… I sent my expenses claim to the Daily Telegraph.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
My girlfriend split up wi …
My girlfriend split up with me because she said I have ‘an unhealthy obsession with my sense of direction’. I tried to move forward with this, but I want her back, because since she left, things just don’t seem right.
Continue ReadingMy wife: Thats a lovely c …
My wife: Thats a lovely cow Me: Yeah, it’s a Jersey My wife: Really? I thought it was his skin.
Continue ReadingMy children were sadly ki …
My children were sadly killed in a crazy playground accident earlier this week. However, I got to keep the rides which ended their lives. Swings and roundabouts.
Continue ReadingI had a leaflet through m …
I had a leaflet through my door last week advertising the ‘Third World Clothing Appeal’. It all sounds a bit suspect to me; I have no recollection of the first two.
Continue ReadingLittle Tim was in the gar …
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “what are you up to there, Tim?” “My goldfish died,” replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbour was concerned. “That’s […]
Continue ReadingStatistically 2 in 1 peop …
Statistically 2 in 1 people are obese.
Continue ReadingI took my car in for a se …
I took my car in for a service today. You know you’re day is going to get worse when the diagnostic machine starts tutting.
Continue ReadingWhen I was 14 I strolled …
When I was 14 I strolled into a pub, put on my deepest voice and asked, “What alcoholic drink can I get for a fiver?” It was worth a shot.
Continue ReadingTook my new Skoda back to …
Took my new Skoda back to the garage, and told the mechanic that I couldn’t get past 71 up the steep hill opposite. “Not bad for a Skoda,” he replied. “But I live at 95.” I told him.
Continue ReadingI thought I’d see what al …
I thought I’d see what all the fuss is about, and try snorting some ‘bath salts’ to get high. All that happened was I got myself kicked out of The Body Shop.
Continue ReadingI was playing with an ele …
I was playing with an electrical charge when a small earthquake occured.I got zapped. I even got a bit of aftershock as well.
Continue ReadingI’ve been dating a robot …
I’ve been dating a robot girlfriend, on and off
Continue ReadingAs I went through the car …
As I went through the car wash my first thought was that it’s shocking how much water actually gets used in here, Second thought was I wish I had a car.
Continue ReadingI’ve just took the wife o …
I’ve just took the wife out for dinner. I’ll have her later, she’s got to defrost first.
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