Paddy says to his wife, “I just saved five pounds in the shop” “How did you manage that”, says the wife Paddy replies, “Well they had two loafs of bread for five pounds, so i didn’t buy any” “Stupid man, why did you not buy four and save Ten pounds”.
Continue ReadingMy Grandad always pinned a cheese cracker to his lapel when he went out. He loved putting on the Ritz.
Continue ReadingThe local Indian family in my area are thinking of opening a new Indian restaurant slash brothel.. ..They are going to call it: A Taste of Punan.
Continue Reading“Is there a shorter way of writing ‘Number’?” “No.”
Continue ReadingMy mate tried to catch a bus earlier. Unfortunately he dropped it on his toe.
Continue ReadingI hate all races, Apart from English and the 100m hurdles
Continue ReadingDoes anyone else find it ironic that wiggers shout ‘bo yaka sha’ when it means ‘death to the white man’ ?
Continue ReadingI went to the cemetry to look for my name on tombstones. It’s the Goth version of Googling yourself.
Continue ReadingMy wife’s leaving me because she says I’m to much of a coward. Well, I stood right up and told her what I thought about her, as soon as she left.
Continue ReadingWhenever I meet an attractive women I always tell them, “If you ever fancy a good time, then it’s on me.” There’s usually lots of tears when they realise that they’ve misunderstood me.
Continue ReadingGot into work this morning the boss said, “I’ve got an axe to grind with you.” I wasn’t worried though. I work in a tool sharpening company.
Continue ReadingNow sickipedia’s server and latency problems seem to be a thing of the past! Is it just me or is anyone else wondering how many people are looking at this page?
Continue ReadingIs it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Bourne almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Lincolnshire? And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are […]
Continue ReadingMy friend started throwing other people’s bags around in the lobby I said ‘why you doing that?’ he replied ‘because other people do it.’ It was at that point I whipped out the cliche, and said, ‘if those people jumped off a cliff, would you?’ thinking he had no response. Alas, he replied with a […]
Continue ReadingA woman walked into Boots and said “I’d like some……………………… face cream please” Lady behind the counter replied “Why, the big pores?”
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