I pulled a muscle today I …
I pulled a muscle today I kept clam.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Forward slash (adj) – giv …
Forward slash (adj) – giving directions to the guns n roses guitarist.
Continue ReadingThe art dealer told me to …
The art dealer told me to go and pick up his Monet. At first I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about, but now I get the picture.
Continue Readingi told this morbidly obes …
i told this morbidly obese woman that i was attracted to her ‘thanks’ she said ‘no love, i mean gravitationally attracted’ i said
Continue ReadingeBay….. …..is what a …
eBay….. …..is what a Yorkshire man calls the coast
Continue ReadingI’ve just cast my vote an …
I’ve just cast my vote and I’m confident I’ve made the right decision. They’ve been seen to be tough on blacks and that’s good enough for me. Yup, Cheryl Cole got my backing for the FHM awards.
Continue ReadingMy antique Georgian mahog …
My antique Georgian mahogany writing desk has wormholes. I opened a drawer and ended up in the Nebula Galaxy.
Continue ReadingIf there is one place I c …
If there is one place I can’t stand !!.. It’s on a slippery surface.
Continue ReadingI just watched the 2011 r …
I just watched the 2011 remake of “The Six Million Dollar Man.” It wasn’t very good. “We can’t rebuild him. We don’t have the money.”
Continue ReadingIf I had a pound for ever …
If I had a pound for every time I misunderstood an expression, I’d have a bird in my bush!
Continue ReadingI was sure my sister was …
I was sure my sister was going to pleased with the entertainment I’d booked for her 40th birthday, however when a guy turned up at the venue selling kebabs on the car park I knew there had been a big misunderstanding. But none of us went hungry, thanks to “Jasons’ donner van”
Continue ReadingIt’s kind of ironic that …
It’s kind of ironic that they caution pregnant women not to drink alcohol in case it harms the baby. If it wasn’t for alcohol most women wouldn’t be that way.
Continue ReadingI have created a repulsiv …
I have created a repulsive half man, half marine mammal that has disturbed me to the very core. Oh, the humanatee!
Continue ReadingThey say the early bird c …
They say the early bird catches the worm. On the other hand, the early worm gets eaten.
Continue ReadingI saw a woman struggling …
I saw a woman struggling to get her buggy off the bus today. As her child was getting flung from side to side, I could see that she was becoming increasingly stressed, so I walked over and said, “Do you mind if I have a go?” “Be my guest,” she replied. I took her kid […]
Continue Reading