Saw this Cushion that loo …
Saw this Cushion that looking amazingly comfy so I jumped head first into it … Woke up 3 days later. Turns out it was a con-cushion
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Sum people enjoy maths …
Sum people enjoy maths
Continue ReadingI bought myself a new 24 …
I bought myself a new 24 hour clock yesterday. It’s rubbish. It only lasted a day.
Continue ReadingWhile visiting relations …
While visiting relations in South Africa , I decided to look up the family tree. Darwin was right. There were monkeys swinging in it’s upper branches.
Continue ReadingHe who smiles in a crisis …
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
Continue ReadingI’ve just created a clock …
I’ve just created a clock with a built-in air freshener. Time is of the essence.
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen a midget d …
I’ve just seen a midget driving a crane I hope the R.S.P.B don’t find out, he might get charged with avian cruelty!
Continue ReadingA friend of mine has thre …
A friend of mine has three boys, the youngest of whom had just started school. A teacher commented to the boy that she couldn’t believe he was already in Year One and asked what his mother did all day now that the three boys were in school. “Cartwheels, I think.” he replied…
Continue ReadingEvery day when I go to wo …
Every day when I go to work, I follow in my fathers footsteps. He walked across the drive before the cement was dry.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend said she wa …
My girlfriend said she wanted to see more of me. So I put on 4 stone.
Continue ReadingMy neighbours called the …
My neighbours called the cops on me again for playing the drums at 3 in the morning. They should just buy me a set so I can practice in my own house.
Continue ReadingI’ve just been given the …
I’ve just been given the sack from the pet shop. We’ve got far too many kittens again.
Continue ReadingWaitrose. The easy way to …
Waitrose. The easy way to lose your money.
Continue ReadingApparently losing weight …
Apparently losing weight can help boost your memory. Oh no! I’ve just remembered how much I like pies.
Continue ReadingI went into a butchers to …
I went into a butchers today and said, “Is that a sheep’s head in the window?” He said, “No, it’s a mirror.”
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