Got stopped on the way home from the pub last night, I was so drunk i could hardly focus. A police woman asked me “Do you even know who i am?”. I don’t think my reply “Drop your knickers and i will let you know!”, Went down very well.
Continue ReadingWhere does Extra Extra Virgin Olive Oil come from ? Really ugly olives
Continue ReadingPutting the first letters of footballers names on their training tops was my initial idea.
Continue ReadingI dislike stories involving mythical creatures. They really drag on.
Continue ReadingWhenever I travel on a train I always take a horse with me. Why? When was the last time you heard of a horse in a train crash?
Continue ReadingI saw a guy getting mugged today. I was going to help him, but then I saw he was wearing chinos.
Continue ReadingI’m not being paranoid but there’s 5 Peruvian Owls standing on my garden fence, watching me through my kitchen window. I’m sure they’re Inca hoots!
Continue ReadingDid you hear about the Frenchman who could only count to seven? He had a huit allergy.
Continue ReadingMy new dog has a cleft palate,but he is highly intelligent, he already knows my name. When I get home he stands at the gate and shouts “Mark,Mark,Mark”
Continue ReadingI just lost my job as a tight rope walker, They decided to cut me loose.
Continue ReadingBeen thinking of inventing a new kind of chair….. it’s just an idea I’ve been sitting on.
Continue ReadingJust mugged a couple of clowns outside the circus. I told them not to try anything stupid.
Continue ReadingI can hear this high frequency noise in my head. My brain hertz.
Continue ReadingI picked up the phone this morning and a salesman on the line said “Good morning sir,I have a fantastic offer today, we want to supply and install a free conservatory in your home in return that we use it for our marketing” I replied “that seems fair, I’ll take it” He then asked “Can […]
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen a bunch of Mexicans packed into a tiny Ford playing the macarana and eating tortillas. I think it was a Fiesta.
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