I’ve invented a Velcro co …
I’ve invented a Velcro condom. Experts have criticised the idea but I’m sticking with it.
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Apparently Manchester Uni …
Apparently Manchester United were so impressed by Sebastian Abreu’s performance for Uruguay they have launched a bid for him. They are also looking at fellow team mates Kadabreu and Alak Azam
Continue ReadingThey say two heads are be …
They say two heads are better than one. Regardless, the royal mint rejected my coin design.
Continue ReadingI was first in a police l …
I was first in a police line-up today. Someone had to get the conga started at the station’s Christmas party.
Continue ReadingWhat did Goldilocks say t …
What did Goldilocks say to the Three Bears? “How did you make porridge without opposable thumbs?”
Continue ReadingI voted for Labour last y …
I voted for Labour last year. But my wife still went for the Caesarian in the end.
Continue ReadingI admitted to the wife th …
I admitted to the wife that I often buy cheap lager and drink drive home from work. “have you no respect, what if you got caught?” she shouted. I spose she has a point, from Monday I’m gonna buy the expensive stuff.
Continue ReadingIt seems to me that votin …
It seems to me that voting day is when the old come out to play for when I went to vote down there the smell of cabbage filled the air
Continue ReadingHow are the Dutch allowed …
How are the Dutch allowed to enter two teams in the world cup?
Continue ReadingBeen to a department stor …
Been to a department store shopping today with the Mrs because she’s been banging on again about wanting a new lamp Standard.
Continue ReadingMy wife said she is leavi …
My wife said she is leaving me because I can’t stop talking about African countries. To which I replied “Please Kenya take me back, I’m Ghana stop doing it. I don’t want you Togo.
Continue ReadingMy fat wife will be set f …
My fat wife will be set for life now that I’ve won the lottery. Finally I can afford enough cement to cover her in.
Continue ReadingI’ve just been to the Auc …
I’ve just been to the Auctioneer’s but they were closed. There was a sign in the window that read: “Going, going, gone to lunch.”
Continue ReadingI saw a billboard with a …
I saw a billboard with a picture of a clock on it. I guess that’s a sign of the times
Continue ReadingApparently Tesco have bee …
Apparently Tesco have been aided by a well-known budget supermarket to get them through the credit crunch. Well, every Lidl helps.
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