Look out for people lifti …
Look out for people lifting small weights at the gym. They’re easy to spot.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I got fined 50 by the loc …
I got fined 50 by the local council for feeding the pigeons in the park today. Next time, I think I’ll take Weight Watchers bread with me.
Continue ReadingBREAKING NEWS – The Engla …
BREAKING NEWS – The England hotel was broken into last night and possessions were stolen. The referee is now wanted on 2 charges of robbery.
Continue ReadingNot only am I not drunk, …
Not only am I not drunk, but this tape doesn’t taste anything like Scotch.
Continue ReadingWhy won’t Scousers buy Th …
Why won’t Scousers buy The Sun tomorrow? They can’t afford it.
Continue ReadingI don’t know why the call …
I don’t know why the call that dangerous game, ‘Chicken.’ The chicken got to the other side.
Continue ReadingSky News: Stag party plun …
Sky News: Stag party plunges 100ft in hotel lift terror Oh Dear…
Continue ReadingA ghost just floated past …
A ghost just floated past me and it was perfectly horizontal. I think it was a spirit level.
Continue ReadingWith everyone changing th …
With everyone changing their profile pic on facebook to a pic of their mom for mother’s day, I’ve realized I have a lot of friends. With MILFs.
Continue ReadingWhat does my grandma have …
What does my grandma have in common with the newspaper? Both have been lying in the driveway for about 3 days now.
Continue ReadingI walked into work yester …
I walked into work yesterday “good morning everybody.” My boss warned me for patronising the people in the funeral parlour.
Continue ReadingI have some weird fetishe …
I have some weird fetishes. I find switches a real turn on.
Continue ReadingI was walking the dog ear …
I was walking the dog earlier when the wife gave me a stern look and handed me the lead. Reluctantly, I put down my yo-yo and led the mutt outside.
Continue ReadingI’ve started to question …
I’ve started to question how poor I am recently. Whenever I see an aftershave bottle in a magazine, I rub it onto my shirt. And when women say “Oh you smell good, what is that?” I say “Page 5”
Continue ReadingBad parenting letting my …
Bad parenting letting my three year old son watch Mafia movies… I’ve just discovered his sisters hamster drowned at the bottom of the bath weighted down with a Lego block.
Continue Reading