I don’t even need to go o …
I don’t even need to go on sickipedia anymore, I can just go on Facebook
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
My wife said I have to pu …
My wife said I have to put a monetary value on everything. I thought “that’s rich”
Continue ReadingDear Stephenie Meyer, Ple …
Dear Stephenie Meyer, Please do a tour of Britain, explaining to women how your books are FICTIONAL. You’re ruining my mojo. Sincerely, Lonely Teen
Continue ReadingNow, I dont see colour. P …
Now, I dont see colour. People tell me Im white and I believe them because police officers call me sir.
Continue ReadingI told my girlfriend that …
I told my girlfriend that she would find a cannalloni in the fridge when she got home from work. I’ve drank five of her Peroni’s.
Continue ReadingFlies spread diseases. E …
Flies spread diseases. Especially when open.
Continue ReadingThe power in my house jus …
The power in my house just went out. I came back a few hours later, drunk, and beat my wife.
Continue ReadingWhat’s Bob short for? Dia …
What’s Bob short for? Diabetes claimed both his legs.
Continue ReadingI was at the cash and car …
I was at the cash and carry earlier stocking up on fabric conditioner and was devastated to find I couldn’t fit it all in the van. Luckily the wife was only a phone call away and turned up in the car. We managed to take some comfort in that.
Continue ReadingWhen I’m feeling down, I …
When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbour’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
Continue ReadingMy mate recently survived …
My mate recently survived a bomb blast, he is made of steel… Plastic and Carbon-fibre
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a Paki w …
What do you call a Paki with Parkinson’s? A sheikh.
Continue ReadingIf Google is such a great …
If Google is such a great search engine, How come it never found Maddie?
Continue ReadingAfter 6 years searching h …
After 6 years searching hi and low for a new career path, attending numerous interviews and taking part in many trial shifts, I can finally bring some good news: I’m going to be a professional gymnast. At last I’ve finally landed on my feet.
Continue ReadingI was playing Need For Sp …
I was playing Need For Speed on my phoneearlier, it was incredible. I reached nearly 80mph in oncoming traffic before smashingthrough a barrier into a field. I should probably stop playing games when I’m driving.
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