I was recently fired from …
I was recently fired from my job at the OXO factory. I was eating all of the stock.
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Three ‘successful’ busine …
Three ‘successful’ businessmen came in to talk in our school yesterday. In fact, they were so successful, they had nothing to do on a Monday morning.
Continue ReadingI had a gravy production …
I had a gravy production company but it failed because no one bought our stock.
Continue ReadingI just witnessed a kidnap …
I just witnessed a kidnapping. So, when his mothers back was turned, I grabbed him.
Continue ReadingI made a glaring mistake …
I made a glaring mistake that cost me a few teeth yesterday. I frowned at a guy in a pub in Glasgow.
Continue ReadingMy missus says there’s so …
My missus says there’s some chips in the oven… I better buy a new one.
Continue ReadingJohnsons baby: New formul …
Johnsons baby: New formula designed to be soft on skin As opposed to the last formula which was designed to cut gaping wounds in your baby?
Continue ReadingThree ninjas are comparin …
Three ninjas are comparing their ability and boasting who is the best The first says “Watch this” and does a chop in the air and a bee falls to the ground – chopped in half. The second says “That’s nothing, watch this” Does a chop in the air and a fly falls to the ground […]
Continue ReadingMy budgie escaped from it …
My budgie escaped from its cage not so long ago and mated with my dog. Now I have several puppies going cheep if anyone’s interested.
Continue Reading“When one door closes, an …
“When one door closes, another door opens.” I knew I shouldn’t have wasted money on this car.
Continue ReadingI told my wife I’d bought …
I told my wife I’d bought a time machine but she didn’t believe me so I pulled out a gun. She said, “That’s a gun you idiot, not a time machine.” “Yeah I know,” I replied as I shot her in the head and killed her, “but now I can go back and start my […]
Continue ReadingHe wears stockings, carri …
He wears stockings, carries a knife and sneaks into little girls bedrooms. I’m amazed Peter Pan has got away with it for as long as he has.
Continue ReadingI was staring down the ba …
I was staring down the barrel of a 45 when I thought,”I’m not so sure I’m pointing this thing in the right direction.”
Continue ReadingI went fly tipping last n …
I went fly tipping last night. God knows what they’ll spend their money on.
Continue ReadingA recent study has shown …
A recent study has shown that 100% of people in favour of birth control… Have already been born.
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