Author: qjoq.com

My wife said, “Why did you spend so much money on food?” I replied, “You and the kids won’t eat anything else.”

My wife lost her wedding ring the other day and described it as the most “mysterious disappearance she’d ever known”. I take it she’s never heard of the Frosties kid.

So Magnus Magnusson said to me “And your specialist subject is?” “Well, since this must be heaven,” I said, “It’s not gas boilers…”

My mate said he needed his Honda washing in the next couple of hours but being the selfish git I am, I said I’d do it on my own Accord.

Men are not better than women… Women are worse than men.

I had almost finished repairing my antique clock when I gave up. I just couldn’t face it.

I’m a beast at metaphors.