I recently heard the news …
I recently heard the news about the boy who was locked in the cupboard for his life. Nice to know that he finally came out the closet.
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Snakes like to chew Wrigl …
Snakes like to chew Wrigley’s
Continue ReadingIf at first you don’t suc …
If at first you don’t succeed, consider a career in politics instead.
Continue Reading“A” level results announc …
“A” level results announced, within 10 minutes the server collapses and everyone’s panicking they won’t get a place.” Don’t worry, McDonald’s have repaired the server and said there’s plenty of jobs for all……
Continue ReadingMy mate is thinking of st …
My mate is thinking of starting up a three piece band with a pianist, a drummer and himself on vocals. He’s really going for it and thinks they’re gonna go all the way. But I don’t know… He seems a bit Keane to me.
Continue ReadingHairdressers, I take my h …
Hairdressers, I take my hat off to them.
Continue ReadingMy doctor said to me, “Yo …
My doctor said to me, “You have to stop smoking”. I said, “Why?” He said, “Because it’s illegal and you’re stinking my surgery out”.
Continue ReadingIn a populist move, the B …
In a populist move, the British Government is proposing charging a per-person tariff on firms employing workers from Eastern Europe to encourage them to take on more local employees. It will be called a Pole Tax.
Continue ReadingFeeling depressed? Life n …
Feeling depressed? Life not going how you wanted it to and its noticeable by the tone in your voice? Why not make a living narrating audiobooks.
Continue ReadingA friend asked, “What’s t …
A friend asked, “What’s the best thing you’ve ever seen on tv?” I said, “Faulty Towers.” “Ha ha ha” He laughed, “That was funny, They weren’t faulty though. Some Muslims flew planes into them.”
Continue ReadingI’m really worried about …
I’m really worried about my parrot. He keeps saying, “I can’t go on, I hate my life”. My room-mate’s too selfish to notice. He’s always crying.
Continue ReadingWhat time do scientists f …
What time do scientists finish work? Ohm time.
Continue ReadingWhat does a toothless bud …
What does a toothless budgie do? Succeeds
Continue ReadingCouldn’t get any whitewas …
Couldn’t get any whitewash in London today. Apparently the Metropolitan police have stockpiled it.
Continue ReadingI met a Nigerian man in t …
I met a Nigerian man in the pub last night who told me that he is in charge of the 419. I didn’t believe him though; he looked far too rich to be a bus driver.
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