Author: qjoq.com

I came home drunk last night. I went upstairs and said to my wife, “I’m hungry.” She said, “There’s some sausages that need to be eaten in the fridge.” “Okay, lovely,” I said. “I’d better put a jumper on first then.”

Whenever my wife has anything to drink she has a tendency to take all of her clothes off. Which makes going to Starbucks a little awkward.

I set the fire alarm off in my apartment about once a week. That way, when I’m standing outside naked, I won’t get arrested.

I was having a game of poker with the lads from the garage and ended up with four jacks. “Sorry,” I said to them, “but you can have them back when you come up with the money.”