As a composer of note, I’ …
As a composer of note, I’m bound to go down in history as a very lazy composer.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Understanding Marketing …
Understanding Marketing You see a fabulous girl at a party. You approach them and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Direct Marketing. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a fabulous girl. You have one of your friends approach them, point at you and say, “He’s fantastic in bed.” That’s Advertising. […]
Continue ReadingSky news: Handbag Heroine …
Sky news: Handbag Heroine fights off jewel store robbers armed with sledgehammers. Wow, that’s some strong smack.
Continue ReadingI’m working tonight at fi …
I’m working tonight at five to one. 1/7 says I call in sick.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a 14 yea …
What do you call a 14 year old chav girl who isn’t a mother yet? Pregnant…
Continue ReadingI met Claire only a week …
I met Claire only a week ago, but she dumped me yesterday when deciding our names for each other. She called me her Silly Banana and so I called her my Tasty Vegetable.. Perhaps it wasn’t the best name for a quadruple amputee.
Continue ReadingI went to Morrison’s to d …
I went to Morrison’s to do some shopping, when I saw a sign saying: “The Cheaper The Better” I thought that was a brilliant idea, and went to Asda instead.
Continue ReadingThe wife wants me to buy …
The wife wants me to buy something musical for our 4 year old daughter’s birthday. I’m going to give her a fiddle.
Continue ReadingI was thrown in at the de …
I was thrown in at the deep end on my first day in my new job, and it must have been clear I had lied during the interview. I think drowning was a bit of a giveaway that I wasn’t a “former olympic swimming coach”.
Continue ReadingSpring Deal: 50% off all …
Spring Deal: 50% off all trampolines
Continue ReadingI fell off my chair today …
I fell off my chair today and hit the ground hard, immediately my wife burst out laughing and that got me going. We both had tears rolling down our faces with laughter as i lay there until eventually she stopped long enough to say “i love that you are able to laugh at yourself!”.. …that’s […]
Continue Readingthe main reason I went ou …
the main reason I went out with a bee keeper is because they say beauty is in the eye of the bee holder
Continue ReadingI told my son and his fri …
I told my son and his friends that our neighbourhood could do with some ethnic cleansing…. They’re not the brightest bunch, I just found out they’ve been going around washing pakis
Continue ReadingRegarding its site being …
Regarding its site being shut down due to hackers, Twitter’s bosses said: “We are defending against a denial-of-service attack, and will update status again shortly.” Presumably on Facebook.
Continue ReadingI was fishing with my dad …
I was fishing with my dad yesterday, when he told me I was adopted. I was reeling.
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