I called in the pub for a …
I called in the pub for a nice, crisp pint after work today. It made a pleasant change from eating them out of a packet.
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Fallen soldier ‘was a gia …
Fallen soldier ‘was a giant among men.’ read a news report. We now have to send oversized squaddies, so U.S. Delta Force can recognize the good guys, as Army Uniforms vs Pyjamas and Burkas seems a bit complicated for them.
Continue ReadingMe and my mates were all …
Me and my mates were all sat in the pub sucking helium out of balloons, having a right laugh. When all of a sudden Frank Bruno walked over and asked if he could join in. That completely lowered the tone.
Continue ReadingIf you put a frog into a …
If you put a frog into a pan tepid water and slowly heat it up, the frog will boil to death. But if you put a frog into already boiling water it will jump out. Moral of the story? Put a lid on the pan.
Continue ReadingNeither of my daughters a …
Neither of my daughters appreciate my gags. Also the youngest is particularly fearful of the gimp mask.
Continue ReadingStatistically, 9 out of 1 …
Statistically, 9 out of 10 sickipedians enjoy bandwagons
Continue ReadingIf you cut a glow-worm’s …
If you cut a glow-worm’s tail off, would it be delighted?
Continue ReadingMy band and I just got sh …
My band and I just got shamelessly plugged by a big record company president. I still can’t walk normally.
Continue ReadingReally Professor, Do you …
Really Professor, Do you really believe there are such creatures as vampires? “Herr Doctor, there are many things in this world that we simply cannot comprehend So these small puncture marks on her neck are from the fangs of this devilish fiend?! Im afraid so, draining the very life out of her in the process […]
Continue ReadingThe traffic lights are br …
The traffic lights are broken at the end of my road again. No change there then.
Continue ReadingThe kids round my estate …
The kids round my estate are so tough these days. I nearly broke my tooth on one today, fair to say I just need to add more gravy.
Continue ReadingApparently British root v …
Apparently British root vegetables are the number one import in Vietnam so far in 2010. There’s a turnip for the gooks.
Continue ReadingI lost my job at the tedd …
I lost my job at the teddy bear factory today. They said I lied about my previous experience on my CV. “I did not lie,” I raged, “You just misunderstood. I really did spend 6 months working as a Fluffer.”
Continue ReadingPlaying darts with my mat …
Playing darts with my mate today and got hit by a flight, we’re now both banned from Gatwick runway.
Continue ReadingI just recently bought a …
I just recently bought a computer shaped like a car. It crashed
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