Sky news: “Hot dogs pose risk to children” as they choke on them. Don’t worry, I never let them swallow, i make them spit it out after eating the sausage. ——————————————————– They obviously haven’t met the police, they know to keep hot dogs in cars.
Continue ReadingI was in a packed club last night, when this girl came over and said: “Fancy a kiss round the back?” “Brilliant” I said, while dropping my trousers and bending over.
Continue ReadingIn order to fix the current problem’s with Zynga and Facebook, go to account, then account status, then ”cancel account.” Then shut down computer, pick it up, slam it against the wall, then go outside and revert back to your previous normal life you had before Facebook and Zynga
Continue ReadingI’m not saying that my Mum is set in her ways, but when I got her hooked up to the internet the first thing she looked up was teletext.
Continue Reading“If you can’t beat him on the pitch, beat her on the dance floor” -Stewart Downing
Continue ReadingI just quit my job at the tiddlywink factory…it was counter-productive.
Continue ReadingI find it quite difficult to feel sorry for the homeless in this type of weather. I mean, its not like I can even see them buried under the 16 inches of snow anyway.
Continue ReadingI connected with a girl at speed dating called Swan Vesta. As soon as we met, I knew she was a perfect match.
Continue ReadingI’ve placed an order online with a music shop in Scotland. I’m looking forward to having my Ayr guitar delivered.
Continue ReadingCorporal punishment in schools and domestic violence have a striking resemblance.
Continue ReadingBBC NEWS – Man in farm murder inquiry bailed. As much as I like to see the punishment fitting the crime scenario I’m not sure what throwing blocks of hay at him will achieve.
Continue ReadingDoes anybody else here find it ironic that the only time we see fat people run is for the bus?
Continue ReadingI don’t know why people were giving me strange looks down at the beach just because I was wearing flip-flops. My ears were cold.
Continue ReadingI quit my job at Nike today. My boss asked me to redesign the ball to make it more edgy.
Continue ReadingThe definition of false economy: I spent thirty quid on oysters to get my girlfriend in the mood to swallow the same thing for nothing.
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