Whenever I’m feeling ill, …
Whenever I’m feeling ill, I like to curl up in front of a black & white movie. Mainly because I’m off colour.
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I’ve got a flower growing …
I’ve got a flower growing in my garden that glows fluorescent green. It’s a nuclear plant.
Continue ReadingA doctor and a sailor are …
A doctor and a sailor are both in love with the same attractive girl named Jane. The sailor had to go on a duty that would last a week. But before he left, he gave Jane seven apples. “What have you given me seven apples for?” asked Jane. “An apple a day keeps the doctor […]
Continue ReadingI ran out of excuses for …
I ran out of excuses for staying off work, so I rang in dead this morning.
Continue ReadingMy mate is really irritat …
My mate is really irritating- instead of facing his problems, he just hides from them. His name is Wally.
Continue ReadingBBC News “Recent studies …
BBC News “Recent studies show that most Google searches these days are from people trying to see if most of these headlines actually exist”
Continue ReadingWhen is it time to stop d …
When is it time to stop doing your daughters homework? As soon as it gets hard.
Continue ReadingApparently there are peop …
Apparently there are people who regard the saying “There are no stupid questions” as a challenge.
Continue ReadingI hate it when you put my …
I hate it when you put my iPod to shuffle and it starts moonwalking instead.
Continue ReadingMy brother and I couldn’t …
My brother and I couldn’t decide who would inherit all Dad’s old woodworking tools, so we’ve decided to play a game of rock, paper, scissors for them. Winner takes awl.
Continue ReadingCan’t wait till bin Laden …
Can’t wait till bin Laden slips up and checks-in on Facebook
Continue ReadingI called Domino’s to comp …
I called Domino’s to complain about my pizza and said “Mate, there’s no toppings, no sauce, and no cheese” “What was supposed to be on it?” He asked “Pepperoni and onion” “Ok, I’ll need to find out who took the order, stay on the phone for a few minutes” He said “Sorry about that, you’ll […]
Continue ReadingEver since our band leade …
Ever since our band leader lost both his legs in a tragic accident, we’ve affectionately called him our semi-conductor.
Continue ReadingSticks and stones may bre …
Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains arouse me.
Continue ReadingIronic, that the one skin …
Ironic, that the one skinny kid in America is now nicknamed ‘Balloon Boy’
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