Did you know that if you …
Did you know that if you say the word gullible slowly, it sounds just like green eggs.
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I thought I’d treat my wi …
I thought I’d treat my wife to some chocolates and flowers today. But I don’t like her, so never bothered. They do say, It’s the thought that counts.
Continue ReadingI was awoken this morning …
I was awoken this morning by the wife humming. I think she really needs to take more showers.
Continue ReadingAfter just 2 days I have …
After just 2 days I have lost my new job as the marketing manager of Nestle. They gave me a 3million advertising budget and told me to spend it wisely or lose my job. I pulled up in my Ferrari this morning and said, “I’ve decided to lose my job.”
Continue ReadingAn octopus tried robbing …
An octopus tried robbing a bank this morning. It didn’t have a gun, but was well armed.
Continue ReadingI walked past a kid the o …
I walked past a kid the other day wearing a shirt advertising thebobbymoorefund. I don’t know what a bobbymoo refund is but I want one.
Continue ReadingWhen I first saw you, I w …
When I first saw you, I wanted to be inside you – I love your smell, the way your tongue feels, the way you tighten and loosen… Oh, how I love my new shoes.
Continue ReadingNot only am I never buyin …
Not only am I never buying the Kerrang again but I’m never going into that shop either as the staff were laughing at me. I bet one of them kept the air guitar I was supposed to get free with the magazine.
Continue ReadingIn mediaeval times, horse …
In mediaeval times, horses that died in battle were taken to the taxidermist. It was the stuff of knight mares
Continue ReadingI just beat Cancer! That’ …
I just beat Cancer! That’s the last time my wife tells me what nicknames i can and can’t give her.
Continue ReadingWhat do you get when you …
What do you get when you cross McDonalds with autism? Asburger’s.
Continue ReadingMe and my mates have been …
Me and my mates have been going to Amsterdam for years now and taking loads of pot. There will be no ceramics left soon.
Continue ReadingIf someone asks you to sp …
If someone asks you to spell “Part A” backwards, don’t do it. It’s a trap……
Continue ReadingI punched a hole in the w …
I punched a hole in the wall earlier today. It had swallowed my card.
Continue Reading“Hi Mum, I’ve got somebod …
“Hi Mum, I’ve got somebody else on the line. Can I call you back?” She knows I work a double shift as a tightrope walker on Fridays.
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