I’ve just been to see the …
I’ve just been to see the Tech Guys at PC world. I didn’t know until then that Tech is actually short for Technically Inept.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Since losing my TV remote …
Since losing my TV remote I’ve been crying uncontrollably.
Continue ReadingI had to leave my job at …
I had to leave my job at the milk factory. I just couldn’t bottle it.
Continue ReadingAn old fella fell down in …
An old fella fell down in the street outside my house this afternoon and smashed his head on the pavement. He was laying on his back like a dying beetle, legs twitching. Blood gushing everywhere from a head wound. It was an awful sight. So I decided to do something about it. I closed my […]
Continue ReadingI phoned the local gym an …
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
Continue ReadingWalking down the street t …
Walking down the street this morning, I came across 2 homeless guys kissing. Disgusted, I told them to ‘Get a room’. The expression on their faces were priceless!
Continue ReadingBBC news: parties clash o …
BBC news: parties clash over doner decision Apparently they just couldn’t decide between lamb or chicken
Continue ReadingI took the wife into our …
I took the wife into our garden today, where I’d stuck a load of signs saying, “I’m leaving you.” “What are those doing here?” she shouted. “These are my grounds for divorce,” I replied happily.
Continue ReadingMy wife’s fed-up being a …
My wife’s fed-up being a golf widow. She fancies a change of sport.
Continue ReadingI’m the kind of guy who l …
I’m the kind of guy who laughs in the face of adversity. Mostly other people’s.
Continue ReadingIn an opposite universe. …
In an opposite universe. There wouldn’t be a universe.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between your mum and our local? Our local gives good head.
Continue ReadingA man goes into a library …
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on pick-up lines. The librarian replies, “It’s in my house, if you want to come over and collect it.”
Continue ReadingEvery Ash Wednesday, I li …
Every Ash Wednesday, I like to imagine that as the priest smears ash on the congregation’s foreheads he whispers “Simba…”
Continue ReadingCan’t decide whether to h …
Can’t decide whether to have children or get a dog. It’s a choice between wrecked furniture, or my future.
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