There’s two sides to ever …
There’s two sides to every story. MINE… and the truth.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Sky News: It’s still blue …
Sky News: It’s still blue with white clouds.
Continue ReadingA homeless man asked me i …
A homeless man asked me if I had any change. I said, “I would give you some…but I’m in a hurry. Sorry!” “Oh my” he snarled, “Where are you going?” “The slot machines.”
Continue ReadingYou know what really grin …
You know what really grinds my gears A faulty clutch it seems…..
Continue ReadingI think Google Circles sh …
I think Google Circles should have been called Google Rings. I just think it sounds better For example, if I added a girl from work she would getting a message saying: ‘David would like to be in your ring’
Continue ReadingPoker players…. Lull yo …
Poker players…. Lull your opponents into a false sense of security by shouting out “SNAP!” on the first hand.
Continue ReadingDo you know who I hate: T …
Do you know who I hate: Those that are confused by venn diagrams, Those that do not understand venn diagrams, and those that are confused and do not understand venn diagrams
Continue ReadingPeople are comparing the …
People are comparing the Tottenham riots to the ones in Egypt. I can see the similarities; loads of Africans running around burning stuff.
Continue ReadingA mate of mine is a part- …
A mate of mine is a part-time DJ. I got a text from him today that said, ‘Had a gig last nite, DJ’ing nxt 2 deadmau5!’ They really should hire a cleaner at that club.
Continue ReadingPeople who say “Things ca …
People who say “Things can only get better” when stuff is bad have obviously never had the misfortune of hearing Radio One Xtra.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a German …
What do you call a German with a sense of humour? An impostor.
Continue ReadingI was watching the local …
I was watching the local news the other day and a big story was taking the headlines: “Mystery man abducts his 4th victim. On Monday Mr. McVities was abducted and then on Wednesday Mr. Fox and Mrs. Oreo were kidnapped. And now his lastest victim, Richard Tea was abducted from his home earlier today.” I […]
Continue ReadingA friend of mine always k …
A friend of mine always keeps his cards close to his chest. He’s got a little thalidomide hand.
Continue ReadingThe metropolitan police h …
The metropolitan police have received information that 1 in 3 bottles of heinz ketchup may be poisonous. They say the sauce is unreliable.
Continue ReadingGot trolleyed yesterday. …
Got trolleyed yesterday. An old woman clipped my ankle in Tesco’s.
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