The wife asked me the oth …
The wife asked me the other day what the one thing I would change about her would be. Apparently bartering for more than one was not a good idea.
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My boss just caught me da …
My boss just caught me day dreaming and told me to get back to work. I will… just have to feed the unicorns first.
Continue ReadingI’ve had to resort to pri …
I’ve had to resort to printing my newspaper on wood. Times are hard.
Continue ReadingI drove my car into a tre …
I drove my car into a tree the other day, and Tiger Woods fell out of it.
Continue ReadingI just bought some second …
I just bought some second hand binoculars for 300. The bloke must have seen me coming a mile off!
Continue ReadingFor fathers day my daught …
For fathers day my daughter got me a grooming kit. Shes so thoughtful, now I have all I need to get the kids into my van.
Continue ReadingMy wife is always complai …
My wife is always complaining that I never treat her proper. Can’t wait to see her face when I give her these bone shaped biscuits.
Continue ReadingWhen I left school I deci …
When I left school I decided to got to catering college but I was always getting in to trouble. My parents kept eating my homework.
Continue ReadingSo you’ve all heard the e …
So you’ve all heard the expression ‘If you play with fire, you’re gonna get burnt’ But my boss at the local hospital liked to put this spin on it: ‘If you play with burn victims, you’re gonna get fired!’
Continue ReadingRip Eddie Stobart. I hone …
Rip Eddie Stobart. I honestly thought you were in it for the long haul.
Continue ReadingWhat’s Elisabeth Fritzl’s …
What’s Elisabeth Fritzl’s favourite vegetable? Celery.
Continue ReadingI don’t think i’ve ever b …
I don’t think i’ve ever been as miserable as when I got stuck in a lift with two ghosts the other day, But when it started moving, it really lifted the spirits.
Continue ReadingI’ve just been to watch a …
I’ve just been to watch a dancing fish show. They were Brill.
Continue ReadingOne angry Neutrino square …
One angry Neutrino squares up to another Neutrino, looking for a fight, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week he says!
Continue ReadingI hate driving on motorwa …
I hate driving on motorways. It’s such a dangerous place to play golf.
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