Comic Relief raised a record 74m last night, with the projected total at 100 by the end of the weekend. In other news, planning permission has just been granted for two 6,000 acre solid platinum palaces in Libya and Zimbabwe.
Continue ReadingCan anyone help me? The wife’s away for the weekend, and she told me that if I got hungry just to put something in the oven. My shoes have been in there for two hours now and I’m still starving.
Continue ReadingI’ve only ever had one driving lesson as the first one has left me too scared to take another. After my instructor briefed me and told me a few road rules, she then told me to pull off. It turns out we have two very different ideas on what that means.
Continue ReadingIrishman walks past a bakers.. sees a sign in the window……….” CHEESE ROLLS two for a 1… He walks in and I see you’ve two cheese rolls for a 1.. How much for one? The girl says 75p. Paddy says, “I’ll have the other one then”
Continue ReadingPortuguese detectives have tonight found the body of Maddie McCann in her Praia Da Luz apartment. The Metropolitan Police have been first to offer their congratulations.
Continue ReadingI might kill myself in the most horrific way, just to have my 500 jokes of fame on Sickipedia!
Continue ReadingMy doctor just told me I can’t get Cat AIDS… I wish I’d known that before…I could have saved a fortune on condoms
Continue ReadingI’m always really careful to have my phone on silent when I’m in the theatre. The last thing I’d want is to be woken up.
Continue ReadingMe and a mate just went into a field to do some cow pushing. I love feminist camp sites.
Continue ReadingAll the helium I bought for my party has gone missing. I think someone took off with it.
Continue ReadingI’m just going to the toilet to measure something. I shouldn’t be long.
Continue ReadingI’ve just logged into Sickipedia for the first time, it’s brilliant, I’ve never laughed so much in my life ……. ……. well not since my wife died anyway !
Continue ReadingMy mum always told me “You can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family”. “Especially out of police line-ups”.
Continue ReadingWho here knows how to perform with sock puppets? Can I have a show of hands?
Continue ReadingAmerica. The only country stupid enough to celebrate the 4th of July on the 5th.
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