I went up to a group of g …
I went up to a group of girls and told a them a chemistry joke, I didn’t get a reaction
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Son : daddy I cant stop w …
Son : daddy I cant stop walking around in circles. Dad : shut up or I ll nail your other foot to the floor.
Continue ReadingThe collective noun for b …
The collective noun for bison is herd, unless they’re on tiptoes – then they’re unherd.
Continue ReadingMy wife woke up this morn …
My wife woke up this morning, and I heard the screams from the bedroom as she was shredded and bitten to within an inch of her life. I was only trying to be a good husband, by stealing them from the zoo. But apparently I got mixed up when she said that she wanted a […]
Continue ReadingAOL News: EastEnders star …
AOL News: EastEnders star quits soap after just one week She’s now using Shower Gel
Continue ReadingI felt really sore after …
I felt really sore after sleeping on my arm last night. Maybe I’ll go back to using my bed.
Continue ReadingI’m an armoured personnel …
I’m an armoured personnel carrier and I’m APC.
Continue ReadingMy wife was disgusted whe …
My wife was disgusted when i showed her my turtle head. In my defence i couldn’t afford a whole one.
Continue ReadingRecently, I’ve been explo …
Recently, I’ve been exploring an exciting new avenue. There was me thinking my finger was too wide
Continue ReadingI’ve got the eye of the t …
I’ve got the eye of the tiger. So now it just says ‘tger.’
Continue ReadingI went for an appointment …
I went for an appointment at the jobcentre earlier. My advisor was 20 minutes late, she seemed completely disorganised, and took a further 5 minutes finding my paperwork. I wasn’t overly impressed. Finally she sat down and asked me, “So, what jobs are you thinking of applying for this week?” “Yours” I replied.
Continue ReadingMan walks into a library …
Man walks into a library and asks, “I’m looking for a book on large aquatic seabirds.” “Do you know the authors name?” asked the librarian. “Yes,” he replied, “It’s by Albert Ross.”
Continue ReadingMy mates are unreliable, …
My mates are unreliable, they’ve all offered to come round to help me fix my broken doorbell. But they never show up.
Continue ReadingI’m just back from vacati …
I’m just back from vacation in Ireland and i’ve bought a souvenir. It was quite expensive but i think 99 euros for Dublin was worth the money.
Continue ReadingMy wife said to me the ot …
My wife said to me the other day that I talk about her like an animal. Daft cow.
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