qjoq.com – Page 627

I thought I’d try some Fr …

I thought I’d try some French dressing at lunchtime today. I don’t think a striped jumper and beret looked that good on me.

I was in tears when my cat had to be put down. I looked into his wide eyes and whispered in his ear; “I love you Piddles, never forget that.” I then put him down in his basket and got a few questionable looks from my family as I plodded off into the kitchen.

I saw a flying saucer thi …

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I saw a flying saucer this morning. It flew right out of my hand and hit the wife in the head.

My Speed awareness course …

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My Speed awareness course lasted 45 minutes. I did it in 10.

What’s the difference bet …

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What’s the difference between me and your mum? About 12 inches, then 0 inches, then 12 again etc. We’re both stuck in traffic.

There is a designated are …

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There is a designated area in my workplace which contains eyewash and patches in case of accidents with the chemicals we use. I thought, “That’s a site for sore eyes.”

I once built a time machi …

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I once built a time machine. Yes, I remember it like it was tomorrow.

These jokes about the Bat …

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These jokes about the Batman shootings are the Bane of my existence.

I’m sick to death of my w …

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I’m sick to death of my wife turning every shopping trip into a drama. It’s bad enough having to remember what’s on the list, never mind learn some lines to a stupid play.