I came home from work today and my mother-in-law was there playing cards with my young son. I said to him, “You having a good time son?” He replied, “Yeah Dad, but you were wrong. I’ve counted them all and Gran is playing with a full deck of cards.”
Continue Reading“an incorrect palindrome” read backwards is still an incorrect palindrome.
Continue ReadingLittle Johnny’s father glared at the school report and asked “Why did you fail maths?” “On Monday, the teacher said six fours make twenty-four. Then on Tuesday, she said twelve twos make twenty-four. And on Wednesday, she said three eights make twenty-four.” “Right,” said his father. “So?” “If she can’t make up her mind, how […]
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend kissed me on the Tulips and said, “I’m leaving you. It’s because of your obsession with flowers.” As I burst into tears, like a big pansy, I replied, “I don’t beleaf it… Where did this stem from, petal?”
Continue ReadingWe’re so skint that I had to get my wife to sell one of her kidneys to help pay for Christmas. If things get any worse, I might have to cancel Sky Sports.
Continue ReadingMy teachers always said I would be an underachiever and they were right – just won the world limbo dancing championships.
Continue ReadingI knew when I was labelled the ‘black sheep of the family’ that I was destined for a life of crime.
Continue ReadingI know a way to end these riots. Set the Polar Bears loose from all the London zoos.
Continue ReadingI went for an interview to be a lifeguard at a nudist beach. I was really nervous, so I imagined them all with their clothes on.
Continue ReadingHow about harnessing wave energy at Airport departures?
Continue ReadingA man goes into a library and asks if they have a book on famous black criminals. The librarian says, “Certainly sir, we don’t have them all, but keep a small selection in aisles three to sixty four”.
Continue ReadingAmerican Police Moto : “In God we trust, all others are suspects.”
Continue ReadingI’ve made a bid to take over e-bay. I won’t know anything for 4 days 17 hours.
Continue Reading`Opposites attract. Like magnets,’ says the wife. Then why has the north pole gone as far as it possibly can to get away from the south pole.
Continue ReadingAll mushrooms can be eaten, some even more than once.
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