A friend of mine said “I …
A friend of mine said “I think I’ll never understand what a tachyon is.” I replied “Don’t worry, it’s just a matter of time.”
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I told my friend I was go …
I told my friend I was going to drive to Africa in my car. “Sudan” he said ? “No, its a hatchback”
Continue ReadingThe cashier at Costco poi …
The cashier at Costco pointed at my zit and said that “proactive worked for her.” I replied that “college worked for me.”
Continue ReadingI bought a book called ‘T …
I bought a book called ‘The Word Finder and Spelling Reminder Ring Binder’. It’s a rhyming dictionary.
Continue ReadingMe and the wife have been …
Me and the wife have been married for 15 years today, so we’re off down to the local registry office to renew our vows of celibacy to each other.
Continue ReadingMy nails are up to scratc …
My nails are up to scratch.
Continue ReadingNever throw stones in a g …
Never throw stones in a greenhouse. It will damage the paintwork.
Continue ReadingSaw the worlds biggest fa …
Saw the worlds biggest fan last week. It blew me away.
Continue ReadingThe definition of irony: …
The definition of irony: The one night you don’t check under the bed for the bogeyman, he gets you while your parents are out eating tapas. Hey, I resent being called the boogeyman
Continue ReadingMy New Year’s resolution? …
My New Year’s resolution? Try and make up a good new year’s resolution for next year.
Continue ReadingI woke up a changed man t …
I woke up a changed man this morning. But it was his day off and he prefers the term ‘Transgendered’, so he was livid.
Continue ReadingI tried out stand up come …
I tried out stand up comedy for the first time last night and, would you believe it, the crowd was on their feet by the end of the night! …By which I mean they all threw their chairs at me.
Continue ReadingRevenge is a dish best se …
Revenge is a dish best served… with unmitigated violence.
Continue ReadingIn America there was a fi …
In America there was a fitness craze that combined a fast walk with a jog. I’m always bemused that “Wogging” never really took off in this country.
Continue Reading“My bones are very brittl …
“My bones are very brittle!” My wife snapped.
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