I’ve just adopted a Giant …
I’ve just adopted a Giant Panda at Edinburgh Zoo. Mind you, I don’t think he’s going to be happy when he’s old enough to realise I’m not his real Dad.
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This afternoon I pushed m …
This afternoon I pushed my girlfriend into the road where she missed being hit by a bus by mere inches. I’d just like to say sorry… Youtube, maybe next time, eh?
Continue ReadingI saw a man wearing a tye …
I saw a man wearing a tye-dye t-shirt ealier. Who knew you could make garments out of dead lady boys?
Continue ReadingI wanted to sue the airli …
I wanted to sue the airline because they damaged my luggage. I showed the badly damaged remains to my lawyer. He said, “You don’t have much of a case.”
Continue ReadingI always end up meeting g …
I always end up meeting girls with lots of baggage. It’s probably the worst thing about being a bellboy.
Continue ReadingMy parents were so poor t …
My parents were so poor that one Christmas they could only afford to buy me a yo.
Continue ReadingSo the head of IMF is in …
So the head of IMF is in a 24 hour home detention and one armed guard is to be deployed at all times. That’s a bit silly, a one armed man can easily be overpowered!
Continue ReadingI’ve just beaten up a pai …
I’ve just beaten up a pair of odd socks. They were no match for me.
Continue ReadingThe Popes right hand man …
The Popes right hand man said that landing in Britain was like landing in a 3rd world country. I never knew Bradford had an airport. …… its called leeds Bradford international airport, you fool.
Continue ReadingSpecial occasion today so …
Special occasion today so you know what that means, CLEAN BOXERS!
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend has told me …
My girlfriend has told me to quit my mainstream Greek religion… She’s being unorthodox.
Continue ReadingI took this personality t …
I took this personality test on the internet, and it said… “Describe yourself.” I answered, “I thought you were doing that for me?”
Continue Reading“Do you know the differen …
“Do you know the difference between us?” asks the anaesthetist. “I haven’t a clue,” says the surgeon. “Exactly.”
Continue ReadingBBC News: England forced …
BBC News: England forced to settle for draw. Does this mean we can now start bring our Troops home, Alive?
Continue ReadingThe wife just said to me …
The wife just said to me she’s going to black up her face and sing ‘Camptown Races’. Wonder if she’s pre minstrel?
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