News – Kate Winslet saved …
News – Kate Winslet saved Richard Branson’s grandmother from Necker Island fire Who do you think they’ll pick to play her in the movie?
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An i for an i makes every …
An i for an i makes everything -1.
Continue ReadingIt’s always been a pipedr …
It’s always been a pipedream of mine to quit my job and work in an arcade but I’m scared of change
Continue ReadingI always carry a torch wi …
I always carry a torch with me just in case I’m ever abducted and put into someone’s car boot. So I can play shadow puppets to keep myself entertained.
Continue ReadingI applied for a job at a …
I applied for a job at a bakery, but only made the final two. I don’t hold anything against the girl who got the job. Her knead is greater than mine.
Continue ReadingI had to give up composin …
I had to give up composing recently, due to my bad Bach.
Continue ReadingI’ve decided that I want …
I’ve decided that I want my children to have a traditional childhood, so I spent last Sunday showing my son how you could communicate at distances of up to half a mile using just two empty baked bean cans and a length of string. I was having a brilliant time, until I got a text […]
Continue ReadingOK so if I adopt a jaguar …
OK so if I adopt a jaguar for 3 a month and adopt an African child for 2 a month, can I put them both in the same room to see which is the better investment?
Continue ReadingJust opened a brand new b …
Just opened a brand new box of cereal to find it empty except for an IOU. That’s the last time I buy Credit Crunchies.
Continue ReadingI can think of nothing be …
I can think of nothing better than getting your Sickipedia joke turned into a Facebook group…..
Continue ReadingA doctor was doing his ro …
A doctor was doing his rounds in a hospital when he overhears a conversation between two African nurses. One says, “It’s spelled ‘whoooom’.” The other says, “No, I’m sure it’s spelled ‘whooouuum’.” They carry on like this for a bit, then the doctor goes over to them and says, “I’ll settle this for you, it’s […]
Continue ReadingI was drowning my sorrows …
I was drowning my sorrows in the pub & the barman asked why I was so upset. “Just come back from a mates funeral. Great lad, knew him since nursery. He was such a special person, at primary school he was described, the boy most likely to succeed. Through high school & college, they described […]
Continue ReadingI was well pleased with m …
I was well pleased with my find when I was looking through Lost property. I got a beach hut in the South Pacific.
Continue ReadingI’ve just noticed Ocypete …
I’ve just noticed Ocypete, Aello and Thyella on my scrotal sack. I think I’ve caught the Harpies.
Continue ReadingOne time I dared my littl …
One time I dared my little brother to drink a cup of acid. He hasn’t spoken to me since.
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