I was at the safari park …
I was at the safari park when I went into the tuck shop and said to the cashier… “Yazoo?” “Number one, this is a safari park.” “Number two, do I look like I own the place?”
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Pulp Fiction – ”Orange j …
Pulp Fiction – ”Orange juice is made from apples”
Continue ReadingWho invented the isles ar …
Who invented the isles around Britain? A Scilly Wight Man?
Continue ReadingI was enjoying a quiet pi …
I was enjoying a quiet pint on my own when this guy came over and asked if I fancied a game of pool. “I haven’t played for ages,” I replied, “But, yeah, go on…. why not.” “Great,” he said, as I started to get up, “Can I read your newspaper and have your seat then?”
Continue ReadingMy son had been bullied r …
My son had been bullied recently, so I decided to teach him some self-defence moves. Didn’t help though. The School got quite shirty about him carrying a flick knife.
Continue ReadingSo the Pandas at Edinburg …
So the Pandas at Edinburgh Zoo have failed to mate in the 36 hour window for this year. Personally I’m bored with this black and white menstrual show.
Continue ReadingI’ve just met Will.I.Am’s …
I’ve just met Will.I.Am’s arrogant Indian cousin. I.Amit
Continue ReadingI have a joke on insomnia …
I have a joke on insomnia and ill never get tired of telling it.
Continue ReadingA charity worker stopped …
A charity worker stopped me as I came out of Tesco today. She said, “Would you like to make a donation for Orphaned children?” I said, “Yeah, why not. I’ve got a spare few quid in my jeans.” She said, “Thanks, your money will make a great difference in Africa.” I said, “My jeans are […]
Continue ReadingThanks for the dinner lov …
Thanks for the dinner love. The bin told me it tasted lovely.
Continue ReadingI got attacked by muslims …
I got attacked by muslims earlier…… Iran!
Continue ReadingAnyone else asked the bos …
Anyone else asked the boss to come in to work early so in return you can leave early to watch the England match? Me too…. its just a coincidence that its the perfect time to get home to watch all the kids leaving school.
Continue Reading“Pets at Home – Where Pet …
“Pets at Home – Where Pets Come First” We’ll see about that
Continue ReadingAfter carrying my daughte …
After carrying my daughter Amy out of the burning house I knew I had to go back in. I fought my way through the flames, kicked the door of the bathroom down and saw my ginger son unconcious in the empty room. At which point I realised that Amy must have left her Barbie in […]
Continue ReadingIn relation to the Boxing …
In relation to the Boxing Day stabbing on Oxford Street, Detective Chief Inspector Dunne, of the Metropolitan Police’s homicide command, said that nothing was being discounted. Doesn’t sound like much of a Boxing Day sale to me.
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