The girlfriend told me things needed to “change dramatically” if our relationship was to last. You can only imagine how angry she was when I burst into the bedroom that night dressed as the Phantom of the Opera
Continue ReadingI’m Dave the pervert and climbing up 7 story buildings to watch women change through their window is my idea.
Continue ReadingI was up before the local magistrate this morning. I stole his milk again.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the definition of awkwardness? The Germans telling Podolski to hit the showers.
Continue ReadingI like to stare at the clock at 11:59 and think… Go on… make my day.
Continue ReadingI left a floater in the pool at the weekend. I was never cut out to be a lifeguard.
Continue ReadingLondon is quite like a pack of Rowntrees, there are the black ones, that no one really likes, but there are no white ones.
Continue ReadingKent has stopped Schools teaching Science. Apparently 2,500 Scientists without Jobs is enough.
Continue ReadingCome to Romania……. It’s a stones throw from Northern Ireland!
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a group of dyslexic physicists having a ‘sword’ fight? The Large Hardon Collider.
Continue ReadingAs I travelled around the country I came across some amazing coincidences. I saw an ox in a Ford in Oxford. I saw a red ditch in Redditch. I ate some Old ham in Oldham. And I met a Paki called Stan in Bradford.
Continue ReadingAfter my wife had beat me for the tenth time playing tiddlywinks, I picked everything up and threw it in her face. I thought I’d launch a counter-offensive.
Continue ReadingDoes anyone actually ever use a Tape Measure to measure tape?
Continue ReadingI climbed down into a gigantic iron mine the other day. I was in ore.
Continue ReadingMost trouser repairs are done on the fly.
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