qjoq.com – Page 584

My mate has no luck with …

My mate has no luck with women and whenever he’s down in the dumps he gets a new girlfriend. So I’ve told him try somewhere else

My wife keeps threatening …

August 18qjoq.comLeave a Comment

My wife keeps threatening to leave me because of my obsession with chocolate bars. She’s bounty to leave any day now.

It’s not so much plagiari …

August 17qjoq.comLeave a Comment

It’s not so much plagiarism as “Recycling other peoples’ success”.

I paid 10 to see an opera …

August 17qjoq.comLeave a Comment

I paid 10 to see an opera show last night and about five minutes into it one of the performers dropped down dead. So that was a waste of a tenor.

I had to report my collea …

August 17January 1qjoq.comLeave a Comment

I had to report my colleagues for spending all of their time at work on Facebook. “I’ve never been on there once!” I said proudly to my boss. And that’s when Mark Zuckerberg fired me.

When I saw your mum cross …

August 17qjoq.comLeave a Comment

When I saw your mum crossing the road, I ran out of petrol trying to drive around her.

I was reading the paper t …

August 17qjoq.comLeave a Comment

I was reading the paper this morning and shouting about how much I hate immigrants. Then the exam invigilator said, “Oi, be quiet or I’ll disqualify you.”

I think it’s thyme to adm …

August 17qjoq.comLeave a Comment

I think it’s thyme to admit I have an obsession with seasonings.

What is the easiest job i …

August 17qjoq.comLeave a Comment

What is the easiest job in the world? A midget career advisor.

If Concorde travelled at …

August 17qjoq.comLeave a Comment

If Concorde travelled at twice the speed of sound, how did they speak to air-traffic control?

I’ve just copied and pasted the barcode on Google’s homepage, cut it out and stuck it to a tin of beans in Asda. Should have seen the look on the checkout girl’s face when she tried to charge me 32 billion.