My English teacher told m …
My English teacher told me that I don’t understand the concept of explaining things properly in my written work, it made me feel this small.
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I’ve just pulled off the …
I’ve just pulled off the mischievous act of putting a pickled flower bud in my mates dinner. It was a caper.
Continue ReadingDecimals have a point. …
Decimals have a point.
Continue Reading“You should never kiss an …
“You should never kiss animals,” warns the teacher. “Does anyone know why that is?” “Because of the nasty diseases!” says Little Johnny. “My Gran always used to kiss her parrot and now it’s dead.”
Continue ReadingI used to listen to Dubst …
I used to listen to Dubstep back in the 90s… … Every time I connected my computer to the internet.
Continue ReadingDue to this unseasonably …
Due to this unseasonably warm weather, I’m off to a beer garden…. I’ve always wanted to seen how it’s grown.
Continue ReadingI just read a book about …
I just read a book about hoovers….. The end sucked
Continue ReadingI discovered I scream the …
I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Continue ReadingFor my course at catering …
For my course at catering college last year, I wrote a 2000 word essay on beer. I couldn’t read a word of it when I’d sobered up.
Continue Reading“EU leaders begin crucial …
“EU leaders begin crucial summit” Like me, the BBC know it is important, they just don’t know what it is.
Continue ReadingI’m having problems with …
I’m having problems with erections. I can’t get planning permission from the wife.
Continue Readingwhat do you called a lemo …
what do you called a lemon that helps.. lemonade
Continue ReadingAs Shakespeare used to sa …
As Shakespeare used to say: Prose before hoes.
Continue ReadingI’m going to open a resta …
I’m going to open a restaurant and have a main course called ‘Monty Hall’s Curry Surprise’. Two thirds of the time it will be goat meat
Continue ReadingI was lost for words when …
I was lost for words when my wife beat me in Scrabble.
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