I went to the local A.A. meeting earlier. After sitting there for a couple of hours, I thought to myself “I wish these people would stop crying about alcohol so I can get around to fixing my cracked fuel manifold gasket.”
Continue Reading“Find your ideal partner on Facebook!” No thanks, I can safely say that one quality I am not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm.
Continue ReadingThe Earl of Sandwich The original Roll Model.
Continue ReadingMe and my mate are constantly fighting over who’s silkworm is the best so tonight we’re gonna have a spin off.
Continue ReadingSad to hear that soul legend Bill Withers is no longer with us. He’s changed his named by deed-poll.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a Chinese man that helps people down stairs? Ray Ling.
Continue ReadingI bought a dog once and named him ‘Stay’. “Come here, Stay!” He’s insane now.
Continue ReadingSomeone has just come up to me while I was eating and said “you are what you eat”. I wouldn’t normally pay any attention to it but I was eating Jamaican ginger cake at the time and I’m not taking that sort of risk.
Continue ReadingThe Mirror: “Manchester City star Mario Balotelli sets house on fire with cracker” I don’t know why that white guy hangs around with Balotelli, he’s such a bad influence on him.
Continue ReadingMy wife and I’ve just celebrated our Golden Wedding Anniversary. In all that time we’ve only ever had one argument. It started about 50 years ago.
Continue ReadingMy wife said, “While you were at work, I had a gang-bang with eleven footballers”. I said, “Come again” She said, “Maybe later. I’m still a bit sore at the moment”.
Continue ReadingI was in the pub when this bloke asked me if i wanted to buy some steroids… I said no thanks…my stairs are strong enough already
Continue ReadingI’m making a show about two detectives who solve crimes over the phone. Star Key and Hash
Continue ReadingHow many people does it take to jump on a bandwagon? My wife.
Continue ReadingWanna hear a joke about paranoia? Actually, don’t worry.
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