Last night i said to my w …
Last night i said to my wife that there is an Elvis song, that whenever i hear it i think of her. “How sweet” she replied “Is it always on my mind?” “No” i replied “It’s hound dog”.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I just got my head kicked …
I just got my head kicked in after having an argument about irony with the fearsomely named “Outlaws” biker gang. Within minutes they fled the scene on their fully taxed and insured motorcycles whilst ensuring they were wearing their crash helmets as instructed to do so under the Road Safety Act 1973.
Continue ReadingI asked my friend if he w …
I asked my friend if he was up for going to a country in the Middle East. He said Yemen.
Continue ReadingI dropped my son at footb …
I dropped my son at football training last night. My wife went mental. She looked at the lump on his head and said, “He’s 6 weeks old, you should’ve left him at home.”
Continue ReadingI’ve just been enjoying w …
I’ve just been enjoying watching the missus in a bit of “girl on girl” action. She got into a fight with some tart over a trolley at Sainsbury’s.
Continue ReadingI’d like to see a musical …
I’d like to see a musical version of “Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead”. We could call it “Phantom of the Au Pair”.
Continue Reading“I’m an awful grime dj, t …
“I’m an awful grime dj, trying to break into the pop market.” Sorry, I was just being Ironik.
Continue ReadingWent into the library tod …
Went into the library today and asked the women if they had any books on diagnosing testicular cancer. “Let me have a look for you” That’s what I call good service
Continue ReadingI’ve finally met Miss Rig …
I’ve finally met Miss Right. I knew there would be a stroke victim willing to put up with my jokes.
Continue ReadingI should run for politica …
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to be able to piece together my twenties.
Continue ReadingTalking to the manager ye …
Talking to the manager yesterday, I said, “Boss, I’d like a day off for my mother-in-law’s funeral.” “So would I,” he said, “but the old cow isn’t even ill.”
Continue ReadingThe Queen does not foreca …
The Queen does not forecast any significant reign today.
Continue ReadingI had a mixed, Caesar Sal …
I had a mixed, Caesar Salad today, just before I met my last victim. I saw, I conquered, I came.
Continue ReadingI got rid of a huge fly w …
I got rid of a huge fly with my slipper today. I said, “you can have this slipper if you get out of my house.”
Continue ReadingThe Sickipedia home page …
The Sickipedia home page is a lot like people from around the world. On the western side, they are witty and intelligent but there aren’t many, whereas in eastern side, they are churning out new ones every second and wanting to move west.
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