I’ve just been to my astr …
I’ve just been to my astrologer’s funeral Rest in pisces mate
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My wife said she’s leavin …
My wife said she’s leaving me because I’m too much of an exhibitionist. Well, I’ll show her.
Continue ReadingHairdressers, they’re a d …
Hairdressers, they’re a dyeing breed.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a group …
What do you call a group of rabbits hopping backwards? Receding hairline.
Continue ReadingDon’t get in to an argume …
Don’t get in to an argument with desserts, they’re not to be trifled with.
Continue ReadingWas anyone else hoping sh …
Was anyone else hoping she would just kick him in there and then? Or That they had a sniper at the ready?
Continue ReadingI’ve often wondered if th …
I’ve often wondered if the world will be inhabitable in 3039 years time. I think it’ll be 5050.
Continue ReadingA man walks into a Librar …
A man walks into a Library and asks for a book on suicide. The Librarian says: “Do you have a library card?” The man says no, and leaves.
Continue ReadingWhen Jean-Luc Picard had …
When Jean-Luc Picard had some spare time from the Starship Enterprise, he enjoyed working on his little farm. Some of the equipment was old and poorly maintained. He had huge problems getting the seed drill to work and eventually had to call a mechanic. The mechanic tutted, “It’ll cost a bit to get this working. […]
Continue ReadingWhat a terrible morning a …
What a terrible morning at work. I had to do some.
Continue ReadingAn elderly couple is havi …
An elderly couple is having breakfast. The woman says: “Oh, I had the most wonderful dream: I was 20 years old again and I was cycling through a beautiful forest with my sister.” The man replies: “I had a wonderful dream too: I was 20 years old again and I was making love to a […]
Continue ReadingI looked down at my son a …
I looked down at my son and said, “I’m watching you like a hawk!” He said, “Dad! How did you learn to soar around in circles like that?”
Continue ReadingPulled a girl who said sh …
Pulled a girl who said she’d sleep with me only if I promised to call her Back. Strange nickname I thought.
Continue ReadingMy alcoholic grandfather …
My alcoholic grandfather drank for England. Until the national team was disbanded.
Continue ReadingI live in my own little w …
I live in my own little world, but it’s ok, they know me here.
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