What do I and Mascara hav …
What do I and Mascara have in common? We both give my wife long lasting lashes
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I’m so hungry. I think it …
I’m so hungry. I think it’s starting to affect the way I bacon sandwich
Continue ReadingI didn’t know that Ashant …
I didn’t know that Ashanti had a town named after her
Continue ReadingI’m really fed up with my …
I’m really fed up with my boring job on a battery production line, but on the plus side..
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between getting a fizzy orange drink up a straw and my daughter’s Christmas Day fantasy? One’s sucking Fanta…
Continue ReadingIt’s not who you know, …
It’s not who you know, …it’s whom you know.
Continue ReadingWhen my wife was heavily …
When my wife was heavily pregnant, I still found her attractive. Although, I think this was due to the increase in gravity.
Continue ReadingI walked in after smoking …
I walked in after smoking half ounce of weed to find my mum standing arms folded in the kitchen. “Oh my god!” She shrieked, “i’ve read about this red eye in my drugs leaflet, you’ve been smoking drugs haven’t you?” I had to think fast, “Don’t be silly mum I don’t do drugs,” I replied, […]
Continue ReadingI’ve named my child Kelvi …
I’ve named my child Kelvin, how cool is that?
Continue ReadingI’m going out on the pull …
I’m going out on the pull tonight. Just started my own rickshaw business.
Continue ReadingI saw some Indian’s in Te …
I saw some Indian’s in Tesco’s today…….. They were working at the Deli counter.
Continue ReadingBoasting about having 5 s …
Boasting about having 5 stars on your employee badge at McDonald’s, is like boasting about having trainers with laces instead of Velcro.
Continue ReadingWhy do they say ‘Amen’ at …
Why do they say ‘Amen’ at the end of a prayer instead of ‘Awomen’? The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers.
Continue ReadingI try to be healthy, so e …
I try to be healthy, so every day I walk 2 miles. although, it’s a bit of a pain at the end of the week, as I’m 14 miles away from home.
Continue ReadingIm sick to death of the w …
Im sick to death of the wife banging the lounge door against the wall. Im going to put a stop to it.
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