Author: qjoq.com

Gordon Ramsay taught me all I know. I swear.

I’ve just seen Paul Weller with fruit and jelly on his face. Looked like he’d been eating trifles.

I arranged to meet someone last night for some No Strings Attached fun.. I was bitterly disappointed when Pinocchio turned up.

I’ve managed to find a way to communicate with carbonated water. It’s a super accomplishment soda speak.

My son said his first word today and I’m pretty sure he’ll become quite the linguist. He said, “esarhp” It was a wonderful turn of phrase.

Strangely, Currys is the only shop in Leicester that doesn’t have a Paki working there.

I phoned my daughter’s drama teacher today and told her my daughter is sick and can’t make drama club tonight. She said, “Oh my god! We’re all doomed! Oh my god! The world will end! I’m having a nervous breakdown! Oh my god! I’m having a heart attack! Oh! Oh!”