Author: qjoq.com

I’m a recovering alcoholic. Been upholstering all morning, now let’s get to the pub!

My lecturer is a Doctor of advanced statistics and probability. What’s the chances of that then?

My mate is trippin’ on LSD. I should probably move it off the floor.

My mate showed me his new treatment for his tourettes. It’s a small crystal pyramid in his garden which he has to stand near when his condition gets bad. He swears by it.

I got accused of being a racist in work today. The new employee looked like that ‘I need a dollar’ singer. All I said was “Aloe Black”

I saw a young lad struggling to climb a wall today “You need some help mate?” I called “Yeah please, my ball is over there, can you give me a boost?”he replied “No problem” I said walking over It’s amazing how a simple bar of chocolate saved the day.

I’m a highly successful dairy farmer in France, but sadly my move to England isn’t working out too well. What is it that we love about ‘belle cheese’ that you English don’t?

I’m thinking of joining the Met. They sound like me to a T.

When I won the Lotto I had to get me a butler. Just couldn’t help myself.

Inquest into gary speeds death opened and adjourned No noose is good noose