Jay-Z’s song ’99 problems …
Jay-Z’s song ’99 problems’ was inspired by his two Dalamatians when they had puppies.
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Research has shown Agatha …
Research has shown Agatha Christie was the first Brit to surf standing up. It also shows we’ve run out of things to research.
Continue ReadingUpon hearing the news of …
Upon hearing the news of Osama Bin Laden’s death, my nan said: “What that man did to New York was really wicked.” I wholeheartedly agree with what Nan said, but I really don’t think it sounds right for a woman of her advanced years to be using ’80s slang.
Continue ReadingI told the doctor I broke …
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Continue Reading1880: Girls got undressed …
1880: Girls got undressed for their husbands. 1995: Girls got undressed for money. 2012: Girls get undressed for likes on Facebook.
Continue Reading“Helping young women to f …
“Helping young women to fight and struggle with their problems” John Smith, Therapist.
Continue Reading“How’s the flat you’re li …
“How’s the flat you’re living in in London, Jock?” asks his mother when he calls home to Aberdeen. “It’s okay,” he replies, “but the woman next door keeps screaming and crying all night and the guy on the other side keeps banging his head on the wall.” “Never you mind,” says his mother, “don’t you […]
Continue ReadingI was through to the fina …
I was through to the final question on the radio. The presenter said, “Take your time, this is for 10,000, choose a category. Your choices are…. A) Greek mythology. B) Politics. C) Foreign languages. I pondered for a short time before opting for foreign languages. “Ok John, you’ve chosen C) Foreign languages. For 10,000 The […]
Continue ReadingStaff evacuated the Ann S …
Staff evacuated the Ann Summers shop in Glasgow yesterday after a bomb hoax. Probably the work of basque terrorists.
Continue ReadingThis morning I got my deo …
This morning I got my deoderant mixed up with the bugspray. No flies on me.
Continue ReadingDefine irony ? Small door …
Define irony ? Small doors at McDonald’s.
Continue ReadingI’ve always loved thatche …
I’ve always loved thatched roofs but my wife doesn’t share my enthusiasm. Since I had the Vectra done, she refuses to be driven anywhere in it.
Continue ReadingA policeman pulled me ove …
A policeman pulled me over last night. I hate losing at tug of war.
Continue Reading10 grams of Gillian McKei …
10 grams of Gillian McKeith, a tablespoon of Wagner, half a cup of Snow and you’ve got yourself some tasty ingredients for Facebook
Continue ReadingThere are only 10 types o …
There are only 10 types of people in the world. Those who get binary and those who don’t.
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