My mate said he can get me a new job at the Jobcentre. I turned up yesterday, had a look around and realised he sent me to the immigration office. He keeps calling saying “where are you?” but I’m not gonna fall for it twice
Continue ReadingMy parents went to Southeast Asia and all I got was this Laosy t-shirt.
Continue ReadingLady vicar caught having an affair with a chef. The proof – her vest found in his pantry, and his pants found in her vestry.
Continue ReadingA man and a woman are seated next to each other on a flight. They start eyeing each other up, and both realise they want to do the same thing. He slips a condom out of his pocket, and she looks delighted. Rear toilet? he suggests. Five minutes, she agrees, and goes off. He waits […]
Continue ReadingDid you hear about the miner who found a gold vein? he had an oregasm.
Continue ReadingIsn’t it ironic how Maddie McCann is the most seen name in the world, yet the least seen person?
Continue ReadingSign on the motorway, “Tiredness can kill”. Especially true if you were on your way to Elm street.
Continue ReadingCakes 66p. Upside down cakes 99p
Continue ReadingChecking your bank statements and realising the Council Tax direct debit doesn’t go out this month feels just like winning 100 on a scratch card.
Continue ReadingTrying to find a virgin is like looking for a white g string
Continue ReadingProfit from death is gross.
Continue ReadingDon’t worry about infringing on corporate trademarks, Just Do It.
Continue ReadingI was watching Don King ordering his contractors to suspend a boxing ring in mid air using four cranes when I suddenly thought to myself………..Hang a bout?
Continue ReadingI was at the beach when I saw a bloke with a donkey and a sign reading “Rides from 2.50” So I paid my money and jumped on. We got about halfway down the promenade and I was loving it. I didn’t want it to end but he said he had to get back to […]
Continue ReadingIf I had a pound for every useless household item or out of date food product I managed to sell to poor people, I could open up a branch of high street stores with an unimaginative name.
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