qjoq.com – Page 559

I’m in court next week du …

I’m in court next week due to a social worker rendering me un-fit to be a parent. Apparently I’m the reason my boy is out of control. How can it be my fault? I’m hardly ever there!

When people ask me where …

September 7January 1qjoq.comLeave a Comment

When people ask me where I’m from, I always say ”a lovely little village in Hertfordshire, not far from Knebworth, called St Evenage.” It sounds better than Stevenage.

People have kept pointing out that I should wear my Poppy with pride this week, so I’ve got round to it eventually … I know it’s a bit of a girlie name for a dog and she didn’t half wince when I stuck in the safety pin.

With all the housework th …

September 7qjoq.comLeave a Comment

With all the housework that she’s done tonight, my wife is wanting a gold medal. She’ll have to settle for a pearl necklace.

I’ve never tipped a cow.. …

September 7qjoq.comLeave a Comment

I’ve never tipped a cow… then again ones never served me

Just let out a belch in t …

September 7qjoq.comLeave a Comment

Just let out a belch in the pub and a bloke said, “How dare you burp in front of my wife!” I said, “I apologize!, I will let her go first next time.”

I gave my girlfriend a gr …

September 7qjoq.comLeave a Comment

I gave my girlfriend a grilling after suspecting her of sleeping around. I give her ‘third degree’ burns.

Little Johnny climbs the …

September 7qjoq.comLeave a Comment

Little Johnny climbs the ladder up to the attic for the first time. When he puts the light on, he sees the playpen he was placed in when he was a toddler. Excited, he rushes downstairs to the kitchen: “Mummy! We’re getting a new baby!” “What on earth makes you think that, Johnny?” says his […]

I fell over at the cash m …

September 7qjoq.comLeave a Comment

I fell over at the cash machine earlier, but it did say “Balance on screen”

I was stopped by a police …

September 7qjoq.comLeave a Comment

I was stopped by a policeman yesterday after he caught me truanting from school in the cinema yesterday. He said “Shouldn’t you be in school?” “No, I’m home-schooled, officer, by my mum” I replied “Shouldn’t you be at home learning from your mum then?” He asked. “Teacher Training Day” I said.

I’ve become a terrible al …

September 7qjoq.comLeave a Comment

I’ve become a terrible alcoholic ever since I had my hands amputeed. I can’t handle my drink.

I was thinking about the …

September 7qjoq.comLeave a Comment

I was thinking about the Physics behind certain coloured objects becoming hotter than others in the sun. Isn’t it ironic how black things always seem to attract the most heat?